is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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