Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
