He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize