i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
