Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
