If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
