im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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