As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
