I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
