I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize