OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
