Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I want a musical about memes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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