I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
