Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
