I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize