It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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