If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
