okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
