I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
