My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
