I just pynch a tree in the face
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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