If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
