She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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