you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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