you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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