Barsexuality is the new black.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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