You can't special order awesome
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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