so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
