you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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