dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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