You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
