Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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