i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
