I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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