Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
