Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
