she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
