The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
