I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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