If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My penis needs a shock collar
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
