I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
