I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
