you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
