i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
