Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
