I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
