I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize