Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Redeem this text for a blowjob
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
