i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
