hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
