When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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