her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
