gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
