question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
jump out the window naked night went bad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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