I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
