Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
