when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
