dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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