Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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