You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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