I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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