So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
