im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
