Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
