i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
