my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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