So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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