Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
