My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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